Vice schmice

Let me get this straight: Not only is a speed boat skimming across water the new "Miami Vice" movie's only resemblance to the original TV show (at least in previews), but director Michael Mann has opted not even to use the famous theme song? Good luck, "Miami." You're going to need it.

Is the studio somehow unaware of what the TV classic they're bringing to the silver screen was like? If you're updating a show such as this, you're going to have to make it a little fun for potential moviegoers. Throw us a bone. This was an '80s cop show that didn't always take itself seriously -- and was even better when it tried.

The ads for this film should make us want to go back to Miami, but they really don't. Yes, one character is white and one is black. And yes, Colin Farrell is "Don-ning" (ha! Like that?) a 5 o'clock shadow. But watching the trailer, this movie looks like a darker, unfunny version of "Bad Boys."

We're talking about a TV program that started fashion trends single-handedly and defined "cool" for at least a good month or two. And you're not even going to indulge us for a little bit of a song. You've really sucked me into this movie, Hollywood. Nice work.